Sunday, May 23, 2010

Riddle Me That!

Each question suggests a vulgar, lewd, or salacious answer, but the actual correct answer is rather innocuous:
1.       I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?
2.       I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?
3.       I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me.  I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
4.       Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't a maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open. What am I?
5.       You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
6.       When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
7.       A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
8.       All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
9.       I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?
10.   If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
11.   I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
12.   I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
13.   My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it. What am I?
14.   What does a woman do sitting down, that a dog does on three legs, and a man does standing up?
15.   What is a four letter word, ending with "k," that means intercourse?
16.   What is so long, and so hard, and sticks so far out of a man's pajamas in the morning, that he could hang a hat upon it??
17.   What does a cow have four of, that a woman only has two of?
18.   What is long, hard, and tubular and filled with "sea-men?"
19.   What is heard almost every day that rhymes with "duck" and begins with "F?"
20.   What does a dog do that a man steps into?
21.   What goes in hard and dry and comes out flaccid and moist?
22.   What is six inches long, has a head on it and is the object of many women's fantasies?
Every member of the Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles has successfully answered four of the above questions. Are you turtly-enough for the Turtle Club?

Answers: (1) A Nose (2) Peanut Butter (3) A Crane (4) The Titanic (5) A Tent (6) A Dentist (7) A Wedding Ring(8) An Elevator (9) Chewing Gum (10) A Newspaper Boy (11) A Glove (12) An Arrow (13) An Attorney (14) Shake Hands (15) Talk (16) His Head (17) Legs (18) A Submarine (19) Firetruck (20) Pants (21) Bubblegum (22) Money – a dollar bill