Riddle Me That!

Each question suggests a vulgar, lewd, or salacious answer, but the actual correct answer is rather innocuous:

1.       I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?

2.       I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?

3.       I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me.  I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

4.       Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't a maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open. What am I?

5.       You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?

6.       When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

7.       A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

8.       All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

9.       I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?

10.   If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

11.   I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

12.   I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?

13.   My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it. What am I?

14.   What does a woman do sitting down, that a dog does on three legs, and a man does standing up?

15.   What is a four letter word, ending with "k," that means intercourse?

16.   What is so long, and so hard, and sticks so far out of a man's pajamas in the morning, that he could hang a hat upon it??

17.   What does a cow have four of, that a woman only has two of?

18.   What is long, hard, and tubular and filled with "sea-men?"

19.   What is heard almost every day that rhymes with "duck" and begins with "F?"

20.   What does a dog do that a man steps into?

21.   What goes in hard and dry and comes out flaccid and moist?

22.   What is six inches long, has a head on it and is the object of many women's fantasies?

Every member of the Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles has successfully answered four of the above questions. Are you turtly-enough for the Turtle Club?

Answers: (1) A Nose (2) Peanut Butter (3) A Crane (4) The Titanic (5) A Tent (6) A Dentist (7) A Wedding Ring(8) An Elevator (9) Chewing Gum (10) A Newspaper Boy (11) A Glove (12) An Arrow (13) An Attorney (14) Shake Hands (15) Talk (16) His Head (17) Legs (18) A Submarine (19) Firetruck (20) Pants (21) Bubblegum (22) Money – a dollar bill

Free and Accepted

I have lived for me, I have done things that I have dreamed about for me. I have been to the top of the mountains…I have climbed peak after peak and come back down again more knowledgeable…I have seen the most beautiful sights, tasted the most brisk of winds, smelled the most beautiful of life’s gifts, lived for those who “can’t” “wouldn’t”, “will not” and “have not” experienced. Life has taken care of me… now I ask…how do I in turn give back to life…breath life back into all of those who have not the courage, the drive, the passion that I have… how do I lead the life of inspiration? How to I lead a nation, generation, a world? How do I show them what can be? How do I lead lives turned upside down? By doing it, by starting, by changing lives every day… by being that change… by inspiring people to inspire… by teaching to fish… not just feeding the mind, the intellect… by constantly improving my technique, my own understanding and teaching those I care for to free themselves…

But am I free? Is my mind free? Will I get dragged back in…will I be any different? How will I be different…show that I am better and different…not for me, but for inspiration to others.

Have I made if far enough to be an inspiration…I must keep pushing…

What is inspiring? What is improvement? What makes people better versus worse? Intellect? Standard of living? Enjoyment of life?...perhaps enjoyment in life through making the same difference in the lives of others…. As we say, people love to be part of a “miracle” people want to be the hero? How do you inspire people to do good deeds by doing good deeds for them?

Couch surfing for good deeds… providing good deed in exchange for good deeds

People prequalified…tested, tried…but then who is eliminated? Who is left out

People don’t like to ask for help…but they often need it so much more than they would ever admit…

Provide an organization that is autonomous but helps others in exchange for help…no central leadership, but governing rules… rules made by the whole… a wiki of rules.

Deed for deed

  

People rate how much their deed is worth in terms of demand so there is some determination of what they owe. Maybe say how much effort the person put in, how much it helped, and how grateful they are. Can it be done anonymously?

Background checks? Over the top? How to do ensure people that they are in good hands? How come members of certain organizations are automatically trusted by others? Because of an oath? Because of a commitment? How do you prove to people that it is the most urgent of commitments? How to you make the induction so memorable that they are sure to remember, to think about it constantly? How do you ensure that people will follow through?

Make it youthful… make it young people helping young people…it can expand, but the movement comes from the youth

How do you deal with crime? With the ill-happening? The bad apples in the bunch? How do you minimize the bad instances and ensure they don’t happen again? Make sure that the good done is ever so much better than the bad?

How do you make sure to show that this is not a religion? That this is people from all religions? To show that this is not centered around any belief system….this is people of all walks of life brought together by one golden rule…

How do you show that it is not the traditions that matter so much as the growth. There has to be more than just random helping…there has to be something more…much more to it…growth within, or the goals fade away… it must always change, become larger, change objectives, be dynamic. How do you ensure change and growth? Ensure there is enough information constantly adding to help people grow. Everyone contributes…but do they always contribute? Do they come to monotonous monthly meetings or come just when they need help…that is what is attractive about church…its always there when you need it, when you fall on hard times… there are sayings, words of advice, remembrance of things you have heard before, concept you believe in…

Open to religious discussions or no? take the best from all worlds or none from any one? Learn from all the nations or start anew?

It must have a mission that is believed in more firmly than any other belief. People through involvement must be show that that commitment is paramount. Must be shown through action that what they do makes a difference…that they difference they make in turn stimulates them. People must feel good about the change they make, must be willing to step outside their comfort, experience something, be enlightened, and experience the sliver of nirvana.

There must be something that identifies them…something that shows, sounds, smells as they would recognize… members are members the world around…things they say are recognized by those who know…

This is in most every sense why...I am a Mason